Reflection...

Recently CH reached out to me to say 'hello' and also to ask me two questions. These were questions which encouraged some deep reflection for me on how a young life was lived, what things had been helpful and what things were less helpful. Since I am now 64 years old, retired and with a modicum of free time I have taken the time to carefully consider these questions and also place both questions and answers here on this web site.

The questions were:

What three things have you done in your earlier years of life that have put you in good stead for later years?
And what are three things you WISH you did in the earlier years that would have made the later years easier or more comfortable.

It has been a fascinating exercise looking back at my young self with older eyes. Not judging, not looking too harshly but looking back with encouragement, some humour and a great feeling of compassion for that younger person blundering his way through life, and somehow eventually succeeding.

Things I have done...

So the first question asks for three things that I did in my earlier years that have laid a solid basis for my later years. Mind you I am a little aghast that these 'later years' appear to be upon me already, time can move so swiftly. Here are the three things from my youth which I believe have put me in good stead in these later years:

I had a family...: Family brings such joy and sorrow into the world and my three children and six grandchildren have been an enormous comfort to me in my older age. There has been an estrangement, a sudden and unexpected death of a child, both immense joy and immense sorrow, and I would not swap any of it for a quieter life in older age. And thank goodness I still have good health to both benefit and participate with the wonderful people that make up my family.
I learnt to see the right way...: From an early age I seemed to have an innate ability to steadfastly seek for the right way. It has not always been easy to steer a straight course in this way when so many people around you are following an easier path. But the carefully practiced ability to see the right path and follow it even if this has meant creating my own path has been an ability that has carried over and developed further in my older age.
I got physical...: I have always been interested in using my my physical body. In my youth I swam, cycled, practiced kick boxing, used weights, learnt Yoga and took long walks. This interest has continued and developed as I age: I am preparing this year to run my second marathon. As you age you need to keep moving and if you do you will be able to enjoy the gifts of this world and this life so much more!

CH only wanted three answers so I consider these three to be the highlights. When I look closely at these answers I can see that they are all intertwined with each other; but that is how life works...

Things I wish I had done...

So the second question asks what I would have liked to have done in my youth that would have made my later years easier or more comfortable. I am wary of wishing for things to have happened differently in the past when I truly believe that all things happen for a purpose. Nevertheless looking back over the years I can see some areas that with focus and work in my youth may have made this older man a little happier:

Worried less...: I know now looking back that almost all of the things that I worried about as a young man, young husband, young father and young ICU Registered Nurse all worked out. I know now that I am treading a path that has been set out for me, for me to both learn and develop from. I know that life is an incredible gift so I would like to go back to my younger self and whisper in his ear: 'Don't worry so much!' I would have liked to have transitioned from youth to age without the burden of worry!
Left myself more open to new things...: As a younger man I held back from new directions and new opportunities. I know now that I could have had a wider world and greater experiences by simply saying 'yes' a few more times. And perhaps also these experiences would also have enhanced my older age with memories and skills that I did not gain. So again I will go back in time and whisper in my younger self's ear: 'Perhaps one day a week just say 'yes' to every opportunity that is presented to you!'.
Worked on myself more...: Post retirement I have had the opportunity to focus on my own mental health, well truthfully an intense period of depression and anxiety pretty much forced me to examine myself a little more closely! In my youth I spent little time on quietness, introspection, examination of old trauma and general development of myself as an emotional being. And most definitely any work done in this area in my youth would have made my older life much, much easier and happier.

I have been very honest in these three answers and I hope I have managed to convey not that I have found areas of shame and fault in the younger me? I feel an immense compassion for this younger man and I wish more than anything else that I could reach across the years and embrace him and tell him that it would all turn out ok...

And in conclusion...

I hope these answers have been useful to CH, who is still in the period of making youthful plans and making a wonderful life with family, work and all the joy of youth. Perhaps this page has also been useful to you, Gentle Reader? If so please let me know...